Too many years too young
To be trickling away our lives
Grains of sand sliding down the hourglass
Just so we can be prepared for the far off day called the future
Hissssss
So stop
Stop wishing
Stop wanting
Stop trying
Be lax
Be loose
Slide like a snake among the dunes
Be neutral
Be silent
Let the whims and ways of the world guide you
Let them lead you along
Pulled by the red string
A puppet of life
But a ribbon dancer of Tao
Be at peace
Get some sleep
Clear your mind
Good night
The pace of the poem is very different and interesting. Also the use of literary devices is well chosen.
ReplyDeleteThis poem had a rhythm similar to the poems in the Tao Te Ching. I also liked how you used onomatopoeia in your poem to make the tone of your poem a little more intriguing and dramatic.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the use of onomatopoeia in this poem. It adds a certain sensory quality to the poem that a lot of different poetry elements don't have.
ReplyDeleteI like the rhythm to the poem, it creates this anticipation and quick pace which matches the poem.
ReplyDeleteI love the use of repetition of "stop" and the transition into "be lax...". It flows really nicely and adds a very soothing element to your poem which is also about being peaceful.
ReplyDeleteAs always I love your poetry and find it incredibly beautiful. Honestly I should be called your #1 fan. The rhythm felt very nice and flowed in a way that felt easy and wonderful! You're amazing!!!
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