At the center of yourself
Is only oneself
At the surface of yourself
Is only someone else
To be completely serene
You have to shed your smoke screen
To be completely yourself
You can’t be anybody else
When you’re behind that mask
You can’t really believe that you’re gonna last
And when it’s just you
You’ll find that that’s the only to
Do
At the center of yourself
Is only oneself
At the surface of yourself
Is only someone else
The rhyming was different and cool and the metaphors were well placed and creative.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated both the message and the structure of this poem. The rhyming did not seemed forced, and it added to the flow of the poem. The message was really relevant and powerful too.
ReplyDeleteI really thought that you did a wonderful job of working with rhymes without compromising the message of your poem. Overall it made your poem fun to read and it provided a nice pace for the reader to follow along to.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you started and ended with the same four stanzas. I thought it tied the poem together well and added a very nice, subtle ending that parallels the values and ideas of the Tao.
ReplyDeleteI think you did an amazing job of making the poem flow nicely.
ReplyDelete