Stress

I signed up for NHS the other day.  

I signed up because all my friends were,

and I want that tassel at graduation.

I’m a week behind on turning in my lab for chem,

And most of my classmates are a week ahead in studying for finals.

I have 3 borderline grades and if I don’t get them where I want them to be,

Where they have to be,

My GPA will be ruined.

I tell no one

that a tear slipped from my eye

when I logged on to SIS and saw that I flunked my Spanish test.

I tell no one

that I get 4-5 hours of sleep and the hours I’m not sleeping,

I spend worrying about the hours of sleep I’m going to lose.

I tell no one

That I don’t think I can do it,

That I feel like I can’t breath.

Google says,

Stress is “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very

demanding circumstances.”

No, forget that.

Stress is the pressure to get good grades, be athletic, have white teeth, and smooth skin

Even though you know that your smile is fake and you wear foundation.

Stress is your mind trying to compensate for goals you couldn’t achieve.

Stress is school.

I am pointlessly signing up for things that take more out of me,

And put more weight on my shoulders.

I’m sixteen years old

and scarily soon enough I will have to decide

what I want to be for the rest of my life.

I tell my parents that,

“I’ve got it all under control”.

But the truth is, it feels like everything is controlling me

I’m missing out on the things I really want to do

But never end up doing because if I can’t put it on a college application

Then what’s the point?

We’ve been told that school isn’t a sprint it’s a marathon,

But I can no longer remember how many steps I’ve taken

And I’ve lost track of where the finish line even is.

I feel so pressured to keep up with everyone around me

who seem like they have it all together.

But does anyone ever really have it all together?

We proceed aimlessly and take breathless steps

To places where we think we should be going,  

Places we’re told we should be going

I look around at the sea of people that surround me

And wonder if they’ve ever felt the same

Wonder if the pressure’s ever kept them up at night

Wonder if they’ve ever had that feeling of not being good enough

And that’s when I realize, no matter if it’s a marathon or a sprint, we’re always competing against someone

Someone better, someone faster, someone smarter

And in the end, we’re all just racing against each other.