irresponsibility in the form of wool

having a cashmere sweater is no mere, mundane thing

having a cashmere sweater is a luxury

having a cashmere sweater is everything you’ve ever wanted

wrapped in a little box and tressed in a satin bow

sometimes it scares me when i have something

beautiful or precious or special

it’s a little scary like

when i was three years old i had this passion for bubble wrap

every time a package came in the mail

the first thing i went to was the cushioning inside

it was always the most adored possession i ever owned

but every time i burst each air droplet

bit by bit

my most valuable treasure would be ruined

i think it’s a little bit like that

knowing that you’re holding onto something extraordinary

but knowing you’re going to destroy it regardless

a stormcloud always about to strike lightning

a nebula forever on the verge of collapse

a mountain crumbling in on itself with no way of finding an escape

i know that i’m going to ruin this cashmere sweater

(i ruin lots of things)

and you’d think that if i knew i was going to ruin it

why buy it in the first place?

but

i have this tendency to jump into things even when i know

oh my god,

this is going to be a disaster

but i kind of thrive off the adventure leading up to it

i thrive off the feeling of knowing i’m making a mistake

but doing it anyways

i don’t know why that irresponsibility excites me

but i know that sometimes i go weeks without making a bad decision and i think

this is kinda boring

or sometimes i watch gossip girl and i think

i need some drama in my life too

so i tell my friend i hate her

and sometimes i love people

(almost radically so)

or i let people love me and i think

oh… this is gonna kill me

and it when it almost does i vow to never, ever, ever do that ever again

but the next week i think

oh my god this boy i saw for 0.5 seconds on the train

yeah, we’re gonna get married

our kids are gonna have his jawline and my… everything else

sometimes i think that i make the wrong decisions on purpose

like maybe it’s a habit born from a previous life

not like the Buddhist wheel of life

more like the elise from one, two, three years ago

like maybe making the wrong decision is a part of me

so deeply ingrained that i honestly don’t know how to avoid it anymore

(i don’t know if i want to avoid it anymore)

and i know

that at one point (possibly very soon)

i’m going to get ketchup on my beautiful cashmere sweater

but i’m going to eat that hot dog anyways

and i’m going to pray that this time it’s different

that i’m different

(spoiler alert : i’m not)

Bestfriend

Back in the fourth grade

I met my best friend

He’s a little strange, If I’m honest

A weird but beautiful Alice and Wonderland type of strange

I can make fun of him

Pretend to take his food

Take his toys away

He never responds in anger

always with a friendly smile

Not a big toothy one

A slight, understanding smile

A thin, lopsided smile

It is my favorite smile

One day I came home in tears

I tried to hide it from him

I was an amatuer poker player, and he saw right through my bluff.

He didn’t say anything, no judgement, no nothing

He never seems to talk, which is odd I guess

They say best friends should talk often, but perhaps it’s better this way

All he does is wait, like a loyal dog awaiting his owner's return

Then he makes his move

walks over to my bedside

And drops…

“Oh you can’t be serious” I sigh

At the sight of a slobbery, matted stuffed animal that is now on my bed

I can almost see it eroding away from all the use

Right there, on my bed

Confused by my hesitation to accept his generous gift

He expertly maneuvered his long furry nose to give his “toy” one more final push

Accompanied by a quick tail wag and smile

I burst out in laughter

And just like that it was over

I was happy again

that is why I love my dog

My four legged lopsided, slobbery

Yet perfect

Best friend

Growing Up

Growing up

I had three older brothers

Naturally

I was washed into the norm  

Of repeating after them

“That’s so gay”

“You’re so gay”

“They’re so gay”

They would say

Countless times again

And at this time being only but 6 or 7

I was confused

And would ask myself questions

Why was this an insult?

Doesn’t gay equal happy?

Why is it taken as an offense?

At times I was confused

Being 13

14

I was learning

To memorize the definition of

Gay

Gay (adj): being attracted to the same sex as you

And comparing this to the definition of

Love

Love (n): a deep feeling of affection

And asking myself if I fit into these definitions

What would I do if I fit into these definitions

Because

I was taught

Growing up-

You taught me-

That a man and a woman

Together

Was right

And that a man and a man

or a woman and a woman

Was against the norm

I was in 9th grade

My first year

of high school

When I met her

She

She was beautiful

What became a best friend

Became my first kiss

White Chocolate Mochas

White Chocolate Mochas

It's been over 365 days

Yet it feels like yesterday we said “see you later” even though

We knew it was goodbye

I still cherish those moments we were sipping

White chocolate mochas drinking

Our worries away

about a future as best friends as though

Nothing would change

Because you were the best friend I had been searching for,

The one that always put a smile on my face

When you stood up for me

When no one else did

You always made sure

I was okay

With your vibrant and positive personality

That was so caring

But now we are

exactly five thousand three hundred four miles apart

Yet our friendship is closer than before

Through the letters and messages we send.

Yet I really miss you talking about your book

and the code names we had like

Voldemort and pineapple,

And the way we giggled when they looked at us.

Because the truth is I miss you then ever before.

America First

I live in the United States of America

The greatest country in the world

We are the best in everything we do

But we are in a crisis

I used to live in Darayya Syria, a suburb of Damascus

It was a beautiful place with great people

Everyone worked hard in everything they did

But we are in a crisis

America has an immigration crisis

We are being infiltrated by criminals, rapists, and murderers

Syria has a humanitarian crisis

We are being slaughtered and beaten by the ones we once trusted

We cannot let these people in

They are going to take what is ours

I need to leave this wretched land

I don’t need much, I just ask for safety

These intruders are going to destroy our home

I want to come to the land of opportunity so I can live in peace

These terrorists are taking what is rightfully ours

I’m a father of three and worked as doctor back in Syria

They don’t deserve to be in our great country

I want to be apart of the American dream

How dare they think they can be one of us

When they were raised in the hands of heathens

I left everything in hope of asylum

They can go anywhere else

The only door open is the land of the free

They will put a stain on our beloved homeland

I will clean any injustice I see

What problems do they have?

I’m lucky. I made it out before the doors shut

I lost my coal mining job

I am fortunate to have found a refugee camp in Jordan

I’ve been unemployed for 3 years

My wife was murdered

I only have a one story house

They gave us a whole room for my family

Luckily we have a man who will open the doors for us

Unfortunately, there is a man who thinks he knows all

Who does what he wants

Without a worry in who gets locked out

Thank God we have a man listening to our demands

Keeping out what doesn’t belong

I don’t understand why they are locking the doors

And throwing the keys away

We will keep America safe

We have done everything in the pursuit of America

They are confusing us with dissident rebels

They are all dangerous and hateful

We are peaceful

The terrorists use the Muslim faith as a guise to excuse their actions

All immigrants are trying to destroy America

We are escaping destruction and

Fighting for a new life

If we keep them out

We will be safe

We need to keep them out

Please let us in

Space

Glory be to the heavens above

Above our kingdoms of mud and stone

Above the squabbling of man

The heavens in their glory remain, lords

Distant from the filth of humanity

The cosmos, magnificent in form

Utter not a word to us, human.

The filth below can only stare in wonder at its beauty

it's dance  through  infinity

We are not fit to revel in its greatness

But if not for life, its glory would be unknown

Many, forget their place

forget what lies above

Encompassing all of reality

The heavens shine

To let man bear witness to the majesty

We choose to sit upon our thrones

We choose to create kings and queens

As if they have power hah

For when the land turns to dust

When all life has died out in the cosmos

And when the glorious lights finally sputter

There will only be

Space

Roses

Roses

White roses dance in the wind   

Passed down from generation to generation

Melancholy accompanies the petals whirling around in the summer's air

Their thorns are the flashbacks of a swing set, and a child’s laughter

They harbor the pastimes of love

White roses dance in the wind

Hopes are crushed

While lost aspiration escape their roots

Acceptance letters blind the weak and hurt the ones who’ve worked so hard for them

They grow in place of the hollow cavern that is your soul

White roses dance in the wind

Apologies never spoken

And rings never planted

Broken promises

Demanding spouses  

And decomposed veils

White roses dance in the wind

Nurtured in their final home

Cut by their “loving” owner

Picked because they are beautiful

Kept because they are dead

Thrown out because they no longer entrance beings with their love

White roses dance in the wind

For our dreams were better than our reality

Life ends, and another journey begins

Because like white roses

We eventually die off too