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Tuesday, May 30, 2017

irresponsibility in the form of wool

having a cashmere sweater is no mere, mundane thing
having a cashmere sweater is a luxury
having a cashmere sweater is everything you’ve ever wanted
wrapped in a little box and tressed in a satin bow


sometimes it scares me when i have something
beautiful or precious or special
it’s a little scary like
when i was three years old i had this passion for bubble wrap
every time a package came in the mail
the first thing i went to was the cushioning inside
it was always the most adored possession i ever owned
but every time i burst each air droplet
bit by bit
my most valuable treasure would be ruined


i think it’s a little bit like that
knowing that you’re holding onto something extraordinary
but knowing you’re going to destroy it regardless
a stormcloud always about to strike lightning
a nebula forever on the verge of collapse
a mountain crumbling in on itself with no way of finding an escape


i know that i’m going to ruin this cashmere sweater
(i ruin lots of things)
and you’d think that if i knew i was going to ruin it
why buy it in the first place?
but


i have this tendency to jump into things even when i know
oh my god,
this is going to be a disaster
but i kind of thrive off the adventure leading up to it
i thrive off the feeling of knowing i’m making a mistake
but doing it anyways


i don’t know why that irresponsibility excites me
but i know that sometimes i go weeks without making a bad decision and i think
this is kinda boring
or sometimes i watch gossip girl and i think
i need some drama in my life too
so i tell my friend i hate her


and sometimes i love people
(almost radically so)
or i let people love me and i think
oh… this is gonna kill me
and it when it almost does i vow to never, ever, ever do that ever again
but the next week i think
oh my god this boy i saw for 0.5 seconds on the train
yeah, we’re gonna get married
our kids are gonna have his jawline and my… everything else


sometimes i think that i make the wrong decisions on purpose
like maybe it’s a habit born from a previous life
not like the Buddhist wheel of life
more like the elise from one, two, three years ago


like maybe making the wrong decision is a part of me
so deeply ingrained that i honestly don’t know how to avoid it anymore
(i don’t know if i want to avoid it anymore)


and i know
that at one point (possibly very soon)
i’m going to get ketchup on my beautiful cashmere sweater
but i’m going to eat that hot dog anyways
and i’m going to pray that this time it’s different
that i’m different



(spoiler alert : i’m not)

Bestfriend

Back in the fourth grade
I met my best friend
He’s a little strange, If I’m honest
A weird but beautiful Alice and Wonderland type of strange


I can make fun of him
Pretend to take his food
Take his toys away
He never responds in anger
always with a friendly smile
Not a big toothy one
A slight, understanding smile
A thin, lopsided smile
It is my favorite smile


One day I came home in tears
I tried to hide it from him
I was an amatuer poker player, and he saw right through my bluff.
He didn’t say anything, no judgement, no nothing
He never seems to talk, which is odd I guess
They say best friends should talk often, but perhaps it’s better this way
All he does is wait, like a loyal dog awaiting his owner's return
Then he makes his move
walks over to my bedside
And drops…
“Oh you can’t be serious” I sigh
At the sight of a slobbery, matted stuffed animal that is now on my bed
I can almost see it eroding away from all the use
Right there, on my bed
Confused by my hesitation to accept his generous gift
He expertly maneuvered his long furry nose to give his “toy” one more final push
Accompanied by a quick tail wag and smile
I burst out in laughter
And just like that it was over
I was happy again
that is why I love my dog
My four legged lopsided, slobbery
Yet perfect
Best friend


Friday, May 26, 2017

Growing Up

Growing up
I had three older brothers

Naturally
I was washed into the norm  
Of repeating after them

“That’s so gay”
“You’re so gay”
“They’re so gay”
They would say
Countless times again
And at this time being only but 6 or 7
I was confused
And would ask myself questions

Why was this an insult?
Doesn’t gay equal happy?
Why is it taken as an offense?
At times I was confused
Being 13
14
I was learning
To memorize the definition of
Gay

Gay (adj): being attracted to the same sex as you

And comparing this to the definition of
Love

Love (n): a deep feeling of affection

And asking myself if I fit into these definitions
What would I do if I fit into these definitions

Because
I was taught
Growing up-
You taught me-
That a man and a woman
Together
Was right

And that a man and a man
or a woman and a woman
Was against the norm
I was in 9th grade
My first year
of high school
When I met her

She
She was beautiful
What became a best friend
Became my first kiss

Thursday, May 25, 2017

White Chocolate Mochas


White Chocolate Mochas

It's been over 365 days
Yet it feels like yesterday we said “see you later” even though
We knew it was goodbye
I still cherish those moments we were sipping
White chocolate mochas drinking
Our worries away
about a future as best friends as though
Nothing would change
Because you were the best friend I had been searching for,
The one that always put a smile on my face
When you stood up for me
When no one else did
You always made sure
I was okay
With your vibrant and positive personality
That was so caring
But now we are
exactly five thousand three hundred four miles apart
Yet our friendship is closer than before
Through the letters and messages we send.
Yet I really miss you talking about your book
and the code names we had like
Voldemort and pineapple,
And the way we giggled when they looked at us.

Because the truth is I miss you then ever before.

America First

I live in the United States of America
The greatest country in the world
We are the best in everything we do
But we are in a crisis

I used to live in Darayya Syria, a suburb of Damascus
It was a beautiful place with great people
Everyone worked hard in everything they did
But we are in a crisis

America has an immigration crisis
We are being infiltrated by criminals, rapists, and murderers

Syria has a humanitarian crisis
We are being slaughtered and beaten by the ones we once trusted

We cannot let these people in
They are going to take what is ours

I need to leave this wretched land
I don’t need much, I just ask for safety

These intruders are going to destroy our home

I want to come to the land of opportunity so I can live in peace

These terrorists are taking what is rightfully ours

I’m a father of three and worked as doctor back in Syria

They don’t deserve to be in our great country

I want to be apart of the American dream

How dare they think they can be one of us
When they were raised in the hands of heathens

I left everything in hope of asylum

They can go anywhere else

The only door open is the land of the free

They will put a stain on our beloved homeland

I will clean any injustice I see

What problems do they have?

I’m lucky. I made it out before the doors shut

I lost my coal mining job

I am fortunate to have found a refugee camp in Jordan

I’ve been unemployed for 3 years

My wife was murdered

I only have a one story house

They gave us a whole room for my family

Luckily we have a man who will open the doors for us

Unfortunately, there is a man who thinks he knows all
Who does what he wants
Without a worry in who gets locked out

Thank God we have a man listening to our demands
Keeping out what doesn’t belong

I don’t understand why they are locking the doors
And throwing the keys away

We will keep America safe

We have done everything in the pursuit of America
They are confusing us with dissident rebels

They are all dangerous and hateful

We are peaceful
The terrorists use the Muslim faith as a guise to excuse their actions

All immigrants are trying to destroy America

We are escaping destruction and
Fighting for a new life

If we keep them out
We will be safe
We need to keep them out

Please let us in



Space


Glory be to the heavens above
Above our kingdoms of mud and stone
Above the squabbling of man
The heavens in their glory remain, lords
Distant from the filth of humanity

The cosmos, magnificent in form
Utter not a word to us, human.
The filth below can only stare in wonder at its beauty
it's dance  through  infinity
We are not fit to revel in its greatness
But if not for life, its glory would be unknown

Many, forget their place
forget what lies above
Encompassing all of reality
The heavens shine
To let man bear witness to the majesty

We choose to sit upon our thrones
We choose to create kings and queens
As if they have power hah
For when the land turns to dust
When all life has died out in the cosmos
And when the glorious lights finally sputter
There will only be
Space

Roses


Roses

White roses dance in the wind   
Passed down from generation to generation
Melancholy accompanies the petals whirling around in the summer's air
Their thorns are the flashbacks of a swing set, and a child’s laughter
They harbor the pastimes of love

White roses dance in the wind
Hopes are crushed
While lost aspiration escape their roots
Acceptance letters blind the weak and hurt the ones who’ve worked so hard for them
They grow in place of the hollow cavern that is your soul

White roses dance in the wind
Apologies never spoken
And rings never planted
Broken promises
Demanding spouses  
And decomposed veils

White roses dance in the wind
Nurtured in their final home
Cut by their “loving” owner
Picked because they are beautiful
Kept because they are dead
Thrown out because they no longer entrance beings with their love

White roses dance in the wind
For our dreams were better than our reality
Life ends, and another journey begins
Because like white roses
We eventually die off too